Since Solar Antipolo is migrating to ShawbBlvd. next week, I figured I should do a disclosed evaluation of my colleagues (yes, there will be names and I hope you google them or find them on Facebook to find out what they look like and judge them yourself) so this will most likely end in a law suit.
First let me begin with this girl named Joie Anne Sophie Gabrido. Where do I even begin with Sophie? She’s probably German. That should be enough to tell me that she likes everything big. If you know what I mean. This girl wears one-shouldered dresses to the office. The LRT station and the tricycle is her runway. She dons boots like it’s nobody’s business. You know what they say about girls who wear boots–never trust them. Don’t trust her smile, don’t trust her laugh, don’t trust her kind gestures. But that warning’s for them boys. Boys, eat your heart out because this chick’s better at your game than you ever will be. You like running away, well she’ll beat you to the finish line. You’re afraid of taking the next step, she’s two steps behind you. You can’t play a playa. Suck it. She’s a cold-hearted woman. Do. Not. Trust. Her. *Insert Kanye West’s Heartless here*
Then there’s this tiny problem child who we call Czarina Balquin. You remember in New Moon, when Edward left Bella and Bella turned into this catatonic vegetable who looked eternally depressed before Jacob came in to the picture? Well she’s our catatonic Bella minus the Jacob coming in to make her feel better. Don’t get me wrong the kid’s really nice and approachable but you know, she’s just so young-looking and tiny and sad and miserable. She’s like a human Eeyore. Dark cloud hovering above her and errthang. Ever seen that movie Orphan? Baby-faced, but really she’s super super old. Czarina is the oldest among us producers but the youngest looking and I’m scared that one day she will break out of that quiet and depressed facade and Esther the crap out of us and stab us all. Sweet lawd.
And finally there’s Mary Beth Diane Dapadap. Like who does she think she is. This girl has no mercy, no soul, no morals, no shame, no dignity, etc etc etc. She’s appropriately named Betch because she is actually one mean betch. Like for real–she is the most evil girl to ever be with. She eats babies for breakfast that’s why she never runs out of energy to destroy human race every day. She has this chilling evil laugh that shakes up the ground and reverberates through the forests of Antipolo. It’s like a spine-tingling war cry. She has demonstrated and showed signs of violence; probably early symptoms of a certain mental illness. This schizophrenic girl has two sides: sweet, hardworking, and approachable…and then lethal, dangerous, and most of all, unstoppable. Beware of The Betch.